Texting in Game of Thrones
by GNG1234
Summary: The title says it all. I don't own anything.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Notes: I am taking a break...Not from writing or something. It's just. Joffrey is hard, his personality is easy but everything else is hard. Writing Epilogues is hard, and being mature is hard so I'm having a change of pace so my phycological issues don't come knocking soooooooooooo I'm doing this.

To explain how I'm going to do this without making it confusing is hard but I'm going to do it!

This world is Modern except that Dwarfs and Bastards are still not accepted. If it still doesn't make sense then I'm sorry.

Anyway Enjoy! Cause I'm gonna.

 _ **Chapter 1-Of Fruits and Needles and a bit of misunderstandings**_

 _Casterly Rock_

 **Tyrion:** U kno wo8 I jus realise sis

 **Cersei:** What is it? You insufferable imp.

 **Tyrion:** I jus realise that if Hoses were fruits then the Starks would be Lemons and they're bastard would be a Lime

 **Cersei:** And why do you think that?

 **Tyrion:** Because they are always so sour

 **Cersei:** How nice.

 **Tyrion:** Also we would be Tomatoes hence I would be a Cherry tomato!

 **Cersei:** You're drunk...

 **Tyrion:** Not anymore my dear sis. And tomatoes are fruits, if you don't know that then you're the drunk one.

 **Cersei:** One day I will have Greg rip you in half.

 **Tyrion:** Then I would be the Quarter man wouldn't I?

 **Cersei:** That's it I'm gonna get a drink

 _Winterfell_

 **Arya:** JON HELP, I STABBED SOMEONE WITH NEEDLE! PLSSSSS

 **Sansa:** One: How is it bad to accidentally stab someone with a needle? Two: How did you get a needle when you were not even in the sewing class? Finally: How did you get me mixed up with Jon. Our names start differently for the new God's sake!

 **Arya:** Ummmmmm. It was... GTG, BRB

 _Meanwhile with Eddard Stark_

 **Ned:** Howland. I think it's time to reveal the truth to Jon

 **Cat:** Tell what to your son Ned?

 **Ned:** Nothing! Just that...I was planning a surprise for him. Now if you excuse me, I must meet with Howland to plan this...surprise.

 **Cat:** Really now?

 **Ned:** Yes?

 **Cat:** Well I cannot see any fault in that so have fun!

 _With Howland_

 **Ned:** Anyway I love you.

 **Howland:** Ummmmmmmm, you might wanna check your text

 **Ned:** Oh.

AN: And that's it for the first chapter.

If it's not funny then please tell me how the fudge I make this funnier.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Notes: It's time for another one. I have no idea where to go from this but I will do my best.**

 _ **Chapter 2: Family problems**_

 **Tywin Lannister:** I want you to come to Highgarden brother.

 **Kevan:** It might take a day or so but why Tywin?

 **Tywin:** Margaery is a giggling maniac, Willas is nowhere to be seen, Mace is incompetent, and I think Loras is gay.

 **Kevan:** Is that all?

 **Tywin:**...Olenna is questioning my authority and I need you here so I can show my dominance.

 **Kevan:** Are you drunk?

 **Tywin:**...

 _"Tywin has disconnected"_

 **Kevan:** Pray to the Gods. A drunk Tywin is never a good thing.

 _In Highgarden_

 **Loras:** Help us.

 **Willas:** Why do you ask and what is the commotion down there?

 **Loras:** Tywin found the liquor cabinet...

 **Willas:** Oh my god. We need help stat.

 _"Oberyn has been invited to the group chat"_

 **Oberyn:** Why am I here again?

 **Willas:** Tywin found the wine cabinet.

 **Oberyn:** The good stuff?

 **Loras:** YES!

 **Oberyn:** Well shit! I'm not getting involved. Last time Someone got involved, House Reyne got humiliated so peace!

 _"Oberyn has left the group chat"_

 **Loras:** Soooooooooooo what do we do now?

 **Willas:** Pray to the Gods...

 _Kings Landing_

 **Tywin:** Did you know my dear. If our houses were represented by fruits...Then we would be Tomatoes and the dwarf would be a cherry tomato. Get it my dear.

 **Cersei:** Tomatoes are not a fruit and the Imp already told me this

 **Tywin:** First: Fucking Robert has made you stupid...Second: Lock the Imp up for stealing my witty comment

 **Cersei:** Are you drunk? Did you just make a joke!

 **Tywin:** So what if I did?

" _Tyrion has been invited to this group chat"_

 _"Jaime has been invited to this group chat"_

 **Tyrion:** So what new hell did I get invited to?

 **Jaime:** Why did you invite me Cersei

 **Cersei:** Father just made a joke..

 **Jaime:** Well I'm not getting involved in the works of the devil

 **Tyrion:** For once I am speechless and justifiably frightened

" _Jaime has left the group chat"_

 _"Tyrion has renamed the group chat into 'Sweet new hell'"_

 _"Tyrion has left 'Sweet new hell'"_

 **Cersei:** Screw this I'm getting a drink

 _"Cersei has disconnected"_

 **AN: I actually having fun writing this. But I might need help. If you have suggestions then write away(if you want).**


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Notes: Here it is! The most cringiest(is that even a word?) story I've written in my life. If you enjoyed it then thank you. If you didn't then please help me

Chapter 4: I sense a Misunderstanding brewing.

 ** _Kingslanding_**

 **Joffrey:** Uncle, thx for the crossbow. Really enjoyed using it on Ros

 **Jaime:** Is that a metaphor?

 **Joffrey:** Yeah! Totally! Still thanks

 **Jaime:** No worries son!

 **Joffrey:** Son?

 _"Jaime has disconnected"_

 **Joffrey:** Uncle?

 _Meanwhile in Braavos_

 **Syrio Forel The First Sword of Braavos:** Where are you Boy?

 **Arya:** First: Is that really your username? Second: I'm tired. Third: IM A GIRL.

 **Syrio Forel The First Sword of Braavos:** The God of Death doesn't get "tired" girl. And what do we say to him

 **Arya:** Not Today

 **Syrio Forel The First Sword of Braavos:** Good.

 **Arya:** And what do we say to practice!

 **Syrio Forel The First Sword of Braavos:** Elaborate child

 **Arya:** NOT TODAY!

 **Syrio Forel The First Sword of Braavos:** Doesn't matter anymore since I have found you

 _"Syrio Forel The First Sword of Braavos has disconnected"_

 **Arya:** Shit!

 _In the Vale._

 **Petyr:** Cat I have loved you since the moment I've seen you, if you weren't married, would you have accepted and reciprocated my feelings?

 **Cat:** What?

 **Petyr:** Auto-correct! I was trying to ask how you were doing?

 **Cat:** Fine...

 _Casterly Rock_

 **Cersie:** Uncle Kevan!

 **Kevan:** What is it?

 **Cersie:** Are Tomatoes fruits?

 **Kevan:** Yes it is.

 **Cersie:** Is everyone in this family stupid! TOMATOES ARE VEGETABLES!

 **Kevan:** And you wonder why Joffrey got an F in his exam.

" _Kevan has disconnected"_

 _On the Wall_

 **?:** Tormund, stop fucking that bear and help me already!

 **Jon Snow:** Ummmmmmm, who are you?

 **?:** Shit! Wrong number! GTG bye!

 **Jon Snow:** Wait at least tell me your name!

 **?:** Dont know why I'm doing this but I'm Ygritte. And you are

 **Jon Snow:** Jon Snow **.**

 **Ygritte:** Well nice ta meet ya now if you mind. I need ta teach my friend a lesson.

" _Ygritte has disconnected"_

 **Jon Snow:** ...Bye...

 _ **AN: This was asked of me by a Guest. So I introduced Ygritte. Anyway thanks for reading and remember.**_

 ** _The text between Jon and Ygritte is like a phone number thing. You know those photos where guys accidentally send a nice to another guy. Wrong number stuff._**


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Notes: It's here again. I don't own one bit of this.

 _ **Chapter 4: Why do I even Try?**_

 _Dorne_

 **Oberyn Martel:** Ellaria, I'm so excited to see you in bed. Just thinking about it...let me just send you the proof

 _/Oberyn Martell has sent a photo/_

 **Elia Sand:** Ummmmm dad. You sent this to the wrong person...

 **Oberyn Martell:** ...

 _"Oberyn Martell has disconnected"_

 **Elia Sand:** At least delete the photo!

 _In Petyr Baelish's Call girl centre_

 **Petyr:** Ummm Joffrey my prince...Where can I find Ros?

 **Prince Joffrey Baratheon:**...Why do you ask?

 **Petyr:** I cannot seem to find her anywhere. Do you know of her fate my prince.

 _"The Hound has been invited to the chat group"_

 _"Prince Joffrey Baratheon has changed The Hound's name to 'Dog'"_

 **Petyr:** Why did you invite him milord?

 **Dog:** Fuck off! You whiny cunt!

 **Prince Joffrey Baratheon:** Good boy. Now Mr Baelish. Listen to The Hound or I tell him to do something else.

" _Petyr has left the chat group"_

 _"Dog has left the chat group"_

 **Prince Joffrey Baratheon:** Yes leave like the peasants you are!

 _Kingslanding Hospital_

 **The Hound:** The Prince has told me to tell you that if you speak the truth of what he did, then I can split yer fucking head open.

 **Ros:** Why do you listen to that spoiled brat anyways. Also the law dictates that you can't kill me.

 **The Hound:** Listen here you fucking bitch. The prince can see this. He is also the fucking prince and can change the Laws. Because if you remember, the last fucking time someone fucking tried to control the bloody king. They got blown up sky high with The Fucking Sept of Baelor.

 **Ros:** OK! Ok I'll listen. Do you like threatening people.

 **The Hound:** No I like killing people. The fuck do you think I am a soldier for.

" _Roa has disconnected"_

 **The Hound:** Fucking bitch don't even know I'm joking.

 _Casterly Rock_

 _"The Lannister group chat has been created"_

 **Cersei:** Why was this created?

 **Tywin** : This was created so we can discuss things as a family.

 **Tyrion** : Then why isn't Tommen or Myrcella here.

 **Jaime** : Yes and Joffrey.

 **Tyrion** : Joffrey can go away for all I care.

 **Cersei** : How dare you!

 **Tyrion** : He assaulted Ros-who is a member of society.

 **Cersei** : Ros is a call girl not someone of importance Imp. Or is it that she is the first one to have sex with you.

 **Jaime** : Stop it!

 **Tyrion** : You are lucky that I'm in the Vale right now.

 **Lancel** : Can we calm down?

 **Tyrion** : Keep quiet!

 **Jaime** : Shut up!

 **Cersei** : SHUT UP!

 **Kevan** : All of you SHUT UP!

 **Tywin** : Thank you brother, now onto business. We will talk about many things, however the children are not allowed as they are Baratheons.

 **Cersei** : Wait till you know the truth.

 **Kevan** : What truth?

 **Jaime** : SHE MEAns nothing of course.

 **Tyrion** : Suspicious

 **Lancel** : Yes indeed

 **Tyrion** : Shut up.

 **Lancel** : OK

 **Tywin** : Moving on! The first topic we shall talk about is...

 **Cersei** : Tell us already!

 **Tywin** : Tomatoes being fruits my dear.

 _"Cersei has left 'The Lannister group chat"_

AN: This chap is fine. Sorry it's not very funny. It's currently setting, not story but jokes?


	5. Chapter 5

Authors Notes: Sorry for late update. Had some stuff to do...

 _ **Chapter 5: Names**_

The House of Frey.

 **Black Walder:** Ummm father?

 **Walder Frey:** What is it Bastard?

 **Black Walder:** Why is my name Black Walder? Instead of well ANYTHING ELSE?

 **Walder Frey:** Foolish boy...It's because I give no shits about you. Now if you keep complaining, I will replace you like I did with Stella.

 **Black Walder:** Who's Stella?

 **Walder Frey:** EXACTLY!

 _"Meanwhile in Dorne"_

 **Doran:** Oberyn my dear brother. How has it been for you in Kingslanding. Anything GOOD going on so far.

 **Oberyn:** Its bemhhn gkingb grtrwart sygod far.

 **Doran:** Are you drunk?

 **Oberyn:** Oh I'm sorry, writing with my tongue is hard.

 **Doran:** "Writing with my tongue" What do you mean by that?

 **Oberyn:** Nothing nevermind, seeya...

 _"Oberyn has disconnected"_

 **Doran:** At least give me some dirt on TYWIN!

Whilst this is going on: In Casterly Rock

 **Tommen:** Brother. What you seen Tom?

 **Joffrey:** Ooof course not! Why would you ever think that! Hahahhhaahh

 _"Joffrey has disconnected"_

Next

 **Myrcella:** Tommen! I just got a boyfriend!

 **Tommen:** Congrats sis. I'm currently looking for Tom.

 **Myrcella:** Oh I think I saw Uncle Tyrion hold it.

 **Tommen:** Thank you!

 **Myrcella:** No problems little brother. Anyway would you like to learn about Trystane.

 **Tommen:** How about tomorrow? Yeah tomorrow definitely! Goodbye!

 _"Tommen has disconnected"_

Then:

 **Tommen:** Uncle Tyrion! Do you have Tim

 **Uncle Tyrion:** No I don't actually. But I saw my sister holding it, but it wasn't moving.

 **Tommen:** What do you mean by that Uncle? Please don't be what I think it is.

 **Uncle Tyrion:** It is, unfortunately. It was bloodied and gone. A sword probably.

 **Tommen:** Why would she do something so monstrous.

 **Uncle Tyrion:** I don't know, but if you must shout at her, then say this. Ok.

 **Tommen:** Say what?

...

Finally:

 **Tommen:** Mom! You stupid tomato! I hate you!

 **Cersei:** What did I do?

 **Tommen:** You know exactly what you did. You tomato.

 **Cersei:** Im done.

 _"Cersei has disconnected"_

 _AN: Uni has started again! So I'm gonna take a break until the weekend. So you might see a lot of updates then._

 _Bye_


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Notes: It's time for more texts. The humour is terrible, the ideas are horrible and unoriginal but it's still good?

Anyway let's get it on!:

 ** _Wildlings and Dothraki are quite difficult to deal with aren't they?_**

 _Essos_

 **Khal Drogo:** Moon of my life why is this Iron Chair important again

 **Viserys:** You have the wrong person oh GREAT Khal.

 **Khal Drogo:** Okay, thank you and for your compliment, you shall receive one pony fit for a begger king.

 **Viserys:** I want my crown my crown now! Or I swear to God I will take my sister back!

 **Khal Drogo:** You shall receive it tonight for sure. Come to our cabin, we have a lot of soup brewing for your CROWNING

 **Viserys:** YESSSSSSS!

 _In The cabin of Jorah_

 **Khal Drogo:** Where do I find easy meltable gold?

 **Jorah:** Why Khal Drogo?

 **Khal Drogo:** I would love to give Viserys a crown for a KING.

 **Jorah:** Oh!

 **Jorah:** Shit! Viserys is being crowned my king!

 **Khal Drogo:** I know, I told you it

 **Jorah:** Yessss Yesses! I was just repeating what you said hahaha.

 _"Jorah has disconnected"_

 **Khal Drogo:** At least tell me where to find the gold!

 _Beyond the Wall_

 **Ygritte:** Oii Tormund stop fucking that bear and help me already.

 **Tormund:** Almost done yah twat!

 **Ygritte:** One day I'll rip ye cock off and make sure that bear eats it!

 **Tormund:** It might choke her cuz of the girth hahaha!

 **Ygritte:** Fuck muh life

 **Tormund:** I would but yer ginger minge is probably musky and puffy.

 **Ygritte:** mmkay I'm killing yah!

 _Meanwhile_

 **Maege:** Brother! I MET THE MAN AGAIN!

 **Jeor Mormont:** Do you mean that Wildling!

 **Maege:** Yes the large red head.

 **Jeor Mormont:** If I find him I swear to god.

 _CUT TO THE WALL!_

 **Jon Snow:** Good morning.

 **Ygritte:** I recognise you from ages ago!

 **Jon Snow:** Yes I just wanted to say hi

 **Ygritte:** K then...Um Hi?

 **Jon Snow:** Yes, Hi?

 **Ygritte:** ooooookay, good bye?

 _"Ygritte has disconnected"_

 **Jon Snow:** Yes Goodbye...

 _Back in Essos_

 **Daenarys:** Brother! Are you alright?

 **Viserys:** Of fucking course not. I was held down then got poured hot metal on my head. I barely survived, why didn't you save me?

 **Daenarys:** Ummmmm good luck!

 _"Daenerys has disconnected"_

 **Viserys:** DANYYYYYYYYYY

AN: And it's done finito, Chapter 6! More will come though..I promise. I messed up and I edited the Maege Mormont bit, thank you for correcting me. I'm not a genius


	7. I'm done

I'm sorry about this but I'm done. I have no ideas to how I can improve my stories. My self confidence keeps on going down and I feel angry at every plan I have. I was planning on doing something like this to fill the hole I have in my heart because I can't find fanfiction with similar stories to mine. But because of that, my stories are wholely original so a large amount of responsibility is forced in my soldiers. However even when I try to do a simple one with the texts, I feel like I'm stealing ideas if I do some texts that others have done. I am sorry if I am disappointing you all but I'm done with writing for now.

Here's a more detailed reason why for each story.

The Afterlife in Game of Thrones:

•I don't know who to do and how to write them without Harming the original character made.

•My writing is trash and I feel like I'm only insulting Mr Martin's creations.

•I originally planned on 4 characters in the beginning before making a bunch. 1. Ned, 2. Jon, 3. Oberyn and 4. Doran.

Oberyn Martell Fight AU

•IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A ONE SHOT BUT MY INABILITY TO TAKE A BREAK MADE ME CONTINUE IT FOOLISHLY.

•I have no idea how to continue it anymore.

It was supposed to be: 1. Oberyn survives. 2. Goes home. 3. Finds out the mountain is still alive. 4. Joins Dany. 5. IDK. 6. Success?

•I want to finish it but at this rate. I'm just drawing out a disappointing finale.

Texting in Game of Thrones:

•I can't continue without stealing other ideas now. I want to be original not a plagiarising idiot with no sense of respect for others' hardwork, but I'm going to fail at this rate.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I might write in the future when I'm actually a working person and not a University student fooling off and writing stories that only a handful of people will find innovating and credible to fit in GOT. No offense to my readers and those who like my story. It also doesn't help that my writing skills are nothing compared to the detail shown by authors and even fabrication writers. I'm a joke.

Anyway I thank all who have enjoyed my writing, I hope to write more when I grow better and maybe then I might continue. But now...I'm nothing more than a speck of dust in a gallery of superior writers.


End file.
